We did a lot of partying during my sophomore and junior year. Jen became more and more involved in the party scene. She stopped wanting to hang out at her house or mine, and only wanted to drink and smoke. She started spending alot of time with strange guys as well. I went along with all the partying over the past two years, but I feel like things are starting to get out of hand now. I'm tired of being pressured to "hook up" with guys at the parties. I never wanted to try anything more than weed, but Jen is more adventurous than I am. She started taking acid and then Ecstasy. I lost track of what she was into after that, as I often saw her popping different pain pills and other drugs when we were hanging out. When we go to parties now, she often stays long after I leave. She frequently leaves me and disappears with other guys during parties, and I've heard that she often spends the night at these parties too. I saw her with a couple guys who were doing cocaine one time, but I don’t know if she tried any or not.
When we first met, Jen’s parents were really nice. They frequently had me over for dinner, and Jen’s dad had a really cool boat which we sometimes went out on. During my junior year, I was shocked to find out that Jen’s mom got diagnosed with lymphoma. To make matters worse, she told me that her dad was recently laid off, and spends most of his time at the bar or in front of the TV now. We don’t go over to her parent’s anymore now. Over the summer we mostly partied in the woods and at other people’s houses. With the start of my senior year I’m concerned about getting into college. The partying was fun, but I’ve decided to grow up. I want to get into a good college, and I need to improve my grades. I've also met a really nice guy who I've been spending time with. Jen does not seem to feel this way though.
I noticed over the summer that Jen seems to be changing. She’s losing a great deal of weight. Her eyes are always bloodshot and kind of wild looking, and I rarely see her sober. Sometimes she has bruises on her arms, and one time she had a bruise on her cheek. She also dresses different. She wears incredibly tight pants and short skirts now, and I've noticed that a lot of the jocks pay much more attention to her. She still hasn’t gotten her driver’s license, and she has no interest in getting a job. I’m not sure how she gets her money for drugs and alcohol, but she always seems to have a pocketful. Back in August I told her that she should stop partying so much. She doesn’t talk about her family or grades much, but I’m pretty sure that she failed a lot of classes over her junior year. She laughed at me when I suggested that maybe we should just go see a movie (sober) or go shopping at the mall like we used to. She's become increasingly distant now that I’ve stopped partying. She also wasn’t interested in talking about college, or what’s going on with her parents.
I'm worried about Jen. I feel like she needs help, but don’t know where to turn. I'm afraid to talk to the guidance counselor about Jen; I don't want her to be mad at me. I’m afraid of losing her all together. Who can I talk to about this?
-Sarah
Hello,
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, I wanted to thank you for reaching out to us. I can sense your worry about your friend who seems to be having some troubles with drugs and alcohol. I wanted to share with you signs that your friend may be developing an addiction problem. These signs include: hanging out with different friends, not caring about personal appearance or change in appearance, getting worse grades, missing classes, having different eating or sleeping patterns, and having problems with family members and close friends (National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2015). It is important to realize that there is no special type of person who can become an addict. It can happen to anyone. It sounds like the troubles at home could be contributing to your friend’s addiction as well. It is important to keep in mind that when there is repeated drug or alcohol use, changes in the brain are made. This is why you could be feeling that your friend has completely changed. Changes occur in the area of the brain that are needed to learn and remember, make good decisions, and control yourself (National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2015). It is very possible your friend needs to find treatment for both depression and addiction, because of what is happening in her home. This is very common and it is called “comorbidity,” “co-occurrence” or “dual diagnosis”, when you have more than one health problem at the same time (National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2015).
There is a great resource available to you, as her friend. The resource is a hotline that is that is supported by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The hotline has been developed for people like you, who are worried about a loved one’s addiction. The hotline will help you get the advice that is needed, by trained professionals, on how to proceed. Trying to get substance abusers the help they need is sometimes tricky because they do not think they have a problem (The National Institute on Drug Abuse, 2015). However, the hotline will talk you through each step and what could be the best option in getting your friend the help that she needs. The hotline is also one hundred percent confidential; they will not release any information about you or your friend, unless they believe she is an imminent threat to herself or others. The hotline number is 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Another great resource is the National Institute on Drug Abuse (2015). Their website is www.drugabuse.gov. There is a section specifically on their website that has been developed for friends like you. The section is called, “What to do if your friend or loved one has a problem with drugs”. I believe that both of these resources can be very helpful when trying to decide what the best course of action is. You do not have to go through this alone, which is why the hotline would be a great place to start! If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to reach out to us again. Thank you.
Kpercinsky
The National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2015). What to do if your friend or loves one has a problem with drugs. The Science of Drug Abuse and Addiction. Retrieved from https://www.drugabuse.gov/related-topics/treatment/what-to-do-if-your-adult-friend-or-loved-one-has-problem-drugs
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ReplyDeleteHello Sarah
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am so happy to hear that you are focusing on your future, and realizing the danger that substance use poses to your future. I am also SO glad you are reaching out to help your friend; it sounds as though she is not aware that she needs help. Most people in our society believe that people who abuse drugs and alcohol can’t be helped unless they want help. This is a myth, especially when teenagers are involved. In fact, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, teenagers who abuse drugs and alcohol almost never realize they need help or willingly enter treatment. I found this important fact on the National Institute on Drug Abuse website at www.drugabuse.gov. This site focuses on the science of drug abuse, and recommendations are based on many decades of research. The first page I looked at is called, “What to do if your teen or young adult has a problem with drugs.” There is a helpful video on that site that explains why teens rarely, if ever ask for help. The next page that I checked out is called, “Principles of adolescent substance use disorder treatment.” Both of these pages build a strong argument for getting Jen help as soon as possible. Knowledge is power, and you absolutely must “arm yourself” with the latest evidence if you are going to have the courage to follow through with helping your friend. It may not be easy.
You mentioned that Jen’s mom was diagnosed with lymphoma (lymphatic cancer), and that her dad lost his job. Both of these events are incredibly difficult situations for a family to deal with, and Jen may be lost in the shuffle (so to speak). Do you think they have any idea what is happening with their daughter? The fact that you used to spend time with her family should make it easier for you to contact her parents, and since Jen is a minor, you will likely have to get them involved in pursuing help for Jen. Because she is a minor, it is easier for her parents to intervene; the law is still on their side. One of the suggestions given on the website is for parents to use the annual physical exam as an excuse to get their teen screened for drug abuse. Parents can legally let the doctor know ahead of time that their child may be using drugs so the doctor can screen for it. It sounds as though Jen’s parents were attentive before the family crises, and they may rally to assist their daughter if they are made aware of what is happening.
From your description of Jen’s behavior, her situation is very serious. The bruises you are describing sound like physical abuse; probably from the men she is seeing. I hate to think the worst, but from your description, she may even be involved in prostitution and drug dealing. You are absolutely right to be worried about her, and if her parents are distracted with their own problems then you may be the only one currently aware of the danger she is in. I implore you to educate yourself, and then try to enlist the help of her family. If that doesn’t work, try a school counselor. I would not worry about “losing” her; you have already “lost” her to the drugs; however, she is not beyond help.
To get you started, check out this site: www.easyread.drugabuse.gov. It is a link from the first site I mentioned, and includes a telephone number that can also help you. Don’t forget to check out those other pages, and certainly share the website addresses and information with her parents. Sarah, I wish you all the courage you need to help your friend. Please let us know how things are going, and if you need more help, just ask.
Sincerely,
Michelle
References:
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2014). What to do if your teen or young adult has a problem with drugs. Retrieved from www.drugabuse.gov
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2015). Principles of adolescent substance abuse
treatment. Retrieved from www.drugabuse.gov
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (n. d.). Easy to read drug facts. Retrieved from
www.easyread.drugabuse.gov
Code name: Paige 9294
ReplyDeleteBlog #6-What is happening to my friend?
It must be hard to watch your friend going through such a difficult time and not know how to help her. While it is not uncommon for teens to experiment with substances, it certainly sounds as though Sara’s situation is more than experimentation. Sara’s family has recently gone through a series of significant problems. From your report, it appears that they were close at one time. Illness and job loss are big stressors to a family. In regard to illness, parents often do not want to worry their children so they do not talk about it. Instead, they internalize their fears and concerns and inadvertently isolate themselves from the family. I can personally identify with this as I was faced with a potentially life threatening diagnosis in the past. In the throes of a medical crisis, Sara’s dad then gets laid off. Concerns over taking care of his family, especially during this time, can take an emotional toll as well. There is not enough information to know if her father had a previous substance abuse problem but it seems as though he is also using alcohol to cope with the problems facing the family. The stress that Sara is experiencing in her family can be difficult to manage. It seems, however, that Sara’s usage has progressed to a point where she uses to escape from the problems she’s having in her family. A symptom of substance abuse is high-risk sexual behaviors. There are varying opinions as to why there is a correlation between the two but there is scientific evidence that the connection exists (Schantz, K. 2012, July). When a person is under the influence of substances, their ability to make safe decisions is impaired and can lead to participating in high-risk behaviors, including sexual activity. Whitesell et al. (2013) discussed several factors that can contribute to adolescent substance abuse. Family risk factors, social risk factors, deviant peer relationships, individual risk factors, and depression could all be factors contributing to her use.
Sara may not know how to ask for help. She may not realize the danger she is placing herself in. She may not feel there is help for her. She may not want to add more stress to her family. Seeking help can be difficult when the person in need isn’t asking for help. Sara’s recent family crises can be traumatic to her. Khoury et al. (2010, December) report that self-medication is often used to help with the emotions associated with the body’s difficulty in regulating the emotions associated with the traumatic event.
There are several places you can go for help; family, school, and church being a few of the options. Do you have an adult that you can confide in about your concerns? Guidance Counselors are bound by confidentiality unless there is eminent risk of harm to self or others. While Sara is making poor choices, it does not appear that this is the situation right now. The same confidentiality applies to clergy. Another option would be to contact your local crisis center for resources and support. It is important for Sara to have friends like you who see the good qualities she possesses and wants to help her during this difficult time.
References
Khoury, L., Lang, Y. T., Bradley, B., Cubells, J. F., & Ressler, K. S. (2010, December).
Substance use, childhood traumatic experience, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
in an urban civilian population [Electronic version]. Depression and
Anxiety, 27(12), 1077-1086. doi:10.1002/da.20751.
Schantz, K. (2012, July). Substance use and sexual risk taking in adolescence. In ACT for
Youth Center of Excellence . Retrieved from
http://www.actforyouth.net/resources/rf/rf_substance_0712.pdf.
Whitesell, M., Bachand, A., Peel, J., & Brown, M. (2013). Familial, social, and
individual factors contributing to risk for adolescent substance use. Journal of
Addiction, 2013. doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1155/2013/579310.