What has happened to my wife?

I’m writing this post on behalf of my wife Brandy; I don’t know how to help her…..Brandy and I have been married for 10 years.  We met when we were both enlisted in the army.  After several years of working as a mechanic, I left the army when my contract expired, but Brandy has remained enlisted.  We live on a local army base.  We have 2 children…Sarah and Todd.  Sarah is 6 and Todd is 3.  Recently I’ve been noticing that Brandy seems less attentive, both to the kids and me.  Brandy just returned from a 6 month tour from an area where there is still some minor combat occurring. She arrived back on base roughly 2 weeks ago.  She’s been reluctant to discuss any details of the trip with me, instead changing the subject or asking about the kids when I bring it up.



I first noticed that something was amiss at night.  About 10 days ago I woke up at night to find Brandy writing and moaning in the sheets.  She was quite pale and sweaty, and looked at me with wild eyes when I woke her up; she seemed to hardly recognize me for several seconds.  This is becoming somewhat common now, as she seems to have nightmares and/or disruptive dreams almost every night.  I’m a light sleeper so this frequently wakes me up.  Things had been relatively normal during the day until this past week.  On Saturday night we were making dinner.  Brandy was chopping celery for a salad and I was boiling pasta.  I heard the rhythmic sound of the vegetable chopping stop while I had my back turned and was putting pasta into the pan.  I turned around to ask Brandy if she was done with the celery and saw that she was still holding the knife and the celery, but was staring straight ahead at the kitchen wall; she had her back to me.  I watched her for about 30 seconds, during which time she didn’t move at all.  This struck me as especially odd.  I finally called out to her, and when I called her name a second time she suddenly flinched and turned around, like I’d surprised her.  She looked completely disoriented, and I remember noticing that she had a tear running from her left eye.  I asked her what was wrong and she ignored me and went back to chopping the celery.



Over these past several days she has become increasingly distant.  Sarah told me the other day that she forgot to make them breakfast after I left for work.  I asked her about this when I got home and she snapped at me telling me that she wasn’t “their servant” and then stomping out of the room.  I was completely shocked.  When I get home from work now and try and give her a kiss, she often turns her head, and it seems like she avoids eye contact with me.  Her dreams at night are getting worse than ever.  It seems like my beautiful sweet wife has undergone a sudden personality change.  I don’t know what could be happening to her.  She refuses to talk to anyone involved with the military or VA about this, and also refuses to talk with our family doctor, saying that she'll get over it and be okay if we just give her some time. She also insists that I not disclose what is going on to anyone in the family or to anyone who might know her. How is a husband supposed to handle something like this?

Trauma or ADHD?

The following request for information came in from Southwestern PA. Please respond if you have any recommendations.

We live in a house that my husband and father-in-law built on a corner of his family's farm. My seven-year old son loves it here, as do we. The problem is that my in-laws have 6 horses in various pastures who roam a large portion of the land freely and they are not about to get rid of them or keep them in a smaller confined area. Several years ago one of the horses kicked my son when he walked up behind it and he was thrown several feet.  Luckily he didn't have any internal injuries, but he was thrown several feet into some fencing and ended up having to have a number of stitches on his forehead and around his left eye. His vision was fine, but the plastic surgeon wanted him awake while he was stitching the eye. The scars are very minor, but because he was awake he was very frightened. He knows that the horse didn't mean to hurt him and that the kick was the result of its instinct.  Now he respects the horses more and keeps a distance from them. Nonetheless, whenever he hears one whinny or sees one nearby,  he seems to lose his ability to focus his attention and becomes really hyper. He is also a huge risk-taker in other ways. His first grade teacher suggested that he might have ADHD, but when he wants to focus his attention, he can, as long as there are no horses around or anything that reminds him of horses. He also gets hyper and distracted when he hears any kind of siren or when there is any talk about hospitals or injuries. Could his on-and-off problems focusing attention in school and at home simply be due to the trauma he went through from being kicked by the horse and getting stitches, or does ADHD come and go the way his distractability and hyperactivity do? What kind of expertise do we need here? His teacher is recommending a local family practitioner who has provided ADHD medication for other children in her class, but I'm not comfortable with this. The chiropractic we use said that he is developing normally for a child his age and that most seven-year old boys aren't really ready to sit still and focus their attention all day in school. I trust him, but worry that a "wait-and-see" approach might cause us to lose valuable time in treating his problem--if it really needs any kind of treatment.